Pamper Yourself

Go on, pamper yourself. The world will treat you the way you treat yourself.

Perfection of God's Love

Have you ever experienced a moment complete in itself?
Have you ever felt, there was nothing more left to be accomplished?
Have you ever denied the world just for a moment of belonging, togetherness and ecstacy?
Have you ever stood on the shores of a turbulent ocean, watching the waves wash away every drop of fear and released a sigh of relief?
Have you ever given up and still been a winner?
Have you ever experienced perfect tranquility?
Has there been a time when you were sure of the perfect alignment of your body, mind and soul and marveled at its magic?
Have you ever been sure enough to laugh at uncertainty?
Have you ever felt like the master of the Universe?

I have.....
and every moment of the day when I feel this way,
every time I watch the birds return to their abode,
every time I see a soul smile...
I slowly close my eyes and say a silent prayer.

The Bully's Side of the Story

I don't watch Britain's Got Talent regularly but whenever I've had a chance to, couldn't help but notice that apart from Simon's eye rolls one thing has been recurrent; bully victims.

Many people have come up and confessed they have been bullied at some point, which being so rampant in the western society slightly programs the audience and judges to be more sympathetic and consequently more supportive towards them. And why not? I was a victim myself at a very tender age of 5 years. I don't remember much of school that year, only the agony and the daily battle of making up my mind to get up, dress up and show up for another day of abuse and exploitation. I kept quiet for a long time but my parents started noticing that I was returning with lost items everyday without an explanation. They did what had to be done. My bully left school at the end of that academic year. I don't know what became of her. But I do remember her name and will always do.

Bullying has serious repercussions for the victim. It is a drastic blow to ones self esteem which leads to depression, anxiety and countless other psychological and physical issues. The self esteem of the victims is so botched that it's hard for them to muster up the guts to stop being victimized at every point in life. After my stint with a bully, I had no school friends for almost two years. I admit I still have trouble making friends, maintaining lasting friendships without my immediate family or even striking a casual conversation. According to CDC, bullying is the third leading cause of all suicides every year and has been on the rise in the last few decades. Some victims resort to bullying others in order to vent out their anger, boost self worth and feel respected again. Hence more victims and more bullies.

But while our heart goes out to the victims, we totally tend to disregard the psychology and background of the bully. Bullying is not genetic or an inherited trait but rather a developed proclivity owing to one's circumstances; family structure, culture, social and peer pressure etc. Although the fact is that bullies sprout from all economic levels and sociocultural backgrounds regardless of age, the contribution of the family institution is indisputable. Children who do not receive the much needed attention, respect as an individual and acceptance at home, their very first social school, seek it elsewhere through various means, hence the birth of a bully.

It may sound very idealistic but the changing dynamics in the family structure (single parents, both working or same sex parents) has a much greater impact on children than we can imagine. Children derive their sense of security from their mothers and identity from their fathers. A prolonged loss of contact or complete absence of either of the two may wreak havoc on the sociopsychological development of children.

Most educational institutions have clearly spelled out the ramifications such behaviour may have yet it grows unhindered when victims are confronted by bullies covertly in dorms or bathrooms or virtual environments. If we want to put a check on this growing issue, we need to begin at home. We need to instill a sense of acceptance in children, teach them to be empathetic and not crave for control that the media so audaciously promotes. More importantly, we need to give them time and an opportunity to express themselves so that their negative feelings do not fester for a long time and then are vented out in the most cruelest form possible. 

Time to fight 'Pinkified Toy Blues'

Our world and attitudes are shaped by the most trivial decisions we make in our daily lives. Some of the lessons learnt subconsciously inspired by our simplest decisions may take a lifetime for us to unlearn. The most common is the realization of the concept of gender roles in children at a very tender age when they are blissfully oblivious of societal dynamics.

Children are not born with a preexisting gender identity.  They gradually acquire it via socialization with their surroundings and beings. At a tender age of 1-2 years, they learn most of the things by observation, social interaction and imitation. By this time, they develop gender identity and by ages 3 and 4, have pretty set standards about the two genders, their roles, dressing, attitudes and attributes. Adults have preferences that they try to project on children, like what and whom to play with. When we prefer a girl child to play with girls only and with a certain type of toys, we already begin invoking in her the attributes that her gender role in future will require.

Gender consciousness has become more prominent though in the last couple of decades. During 1980s, children would play with gender neutral toys. Today the toy companies wouldn't let them even if they'd want to. Have you noticed these things when you walk into a toy store?

• Two prominently bifurcated sections: Girls and Boys
• Pink, white and purple is for girls; blue and black for boys
• Iron man is for boys; barbie for girls
• Workbench tool set in the boys section; nail art and hairstyling kits in girls' 

Toys are an essential part of childhood. Apart from being fun and games, certain toys are helpful in developing cognitive and motor skills in children. These are toys that both girls and boys should play with. As the standard of living has risen, more children have their say when toys are being purchased. And keeping this trend in mind, toy companies have employed a new manipulative marketing strategy which genders toys, completely ignoring the fact that children have unique personalities and choices. Stereotyping toys for girls and boys will only crush these unique personalities and widen the gender inequality gap that we have been trying to fill for decades now. Doesn't it sound like one step forward, two steps back!

Secondly, something as harmless as toys can have lasting effects on children's psyche, now when they are exposed to non-conformist lifestyles like homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenders and the ever fading line between gender specific roles in the labour market. Is this the advent of identity crisis? The birth of a lost generation. A generation fearing to express itself out of the fear of being laughed at or isolated because they prefer different things from the majority. A generation that stops itself to rise above their gender roles merely because it isn't deemed in the right light by the society. A restricted and oppressed generation.

The status quo however has not gone unnoticed thanks to campaigns like 'Let toys be toys' and 'Pinkstinks'. These campaigns throughout Europe have urged mega conglomerates and retailers to stop labeling toys as gender specific. Similar petitions are underway in Australia where parents are asking retailers to stop marketing certain toys as girls or boys only.

That's at the macro level. What can we do at the micro level depends on how fast we stop projecting ourselves on the next generation. The least we can do is buy them gender-neutral gifts that do not shove them into the social gender essentialism maze. It's time to listen to their personalities, give them space to develop and not crush them under the roles they ought to be playing in future. If we want gender inequality and all crimes associated with it to be a thing of the past, we'll have to start from the start.

The Surgical Pursuit of Beauty

Have you ever wondered what the world would look like if everyone looked alike???
Well... have a look at the contestants. This will give you a fair idea.

Miss Korea 2013 contestants- Spot the difference!

I have been reading about this a lot these days... not that I deliberately read about plastic surgery, it just is all over. Celebrities who have undergone the knife to improve (or sometimes botch) their looks and bodies or denying any apparent procedure at all are always making news. Every page has before-and-after pics of them pointing differences (as if that was necessary).

Having lived in Thailand, I was aware of the Thai fascination for western looks and colour. You could tell by the number of whitening lotions that graced the shelves of retail stores and the use of heavy make-up and diet pills to achieve the desired look; a slim figure, light eyes, skin and hair, slim nose and oval/heart shaped face. But I guess it's a pan south east Asian trend now.

If we talk about numbers, definitely US tops the chart, but if we consider rates relative to population, South Korea leaves everyone way behind. The reason is the underlying conviction that beautiful people are wired for success and attract all things better in life. For most South Koreans surgery is a passport to finding a better and high paying job, husband from the high echelons of society or merely being accepted and treated better in the society. A bizarre yet a painful truth for most SE Asian cultures. Japan too is in the race coming up with outlandish products as cheap substitutes for surgery as not everyone may be able to afford it. The senior market (men and women hitting mid-life crisis) around the world is also growing by leaps and bounds, sometimes for clinical reasons and sometimes behind the smokescreen of boosting ones fragile self esteem. Surgery is so rampant now that countries like Korea and Thailand are heavily cashing on their medical tourism and why not?

Nose Shaper: to be worn 20 mins/day for effective results

A double eyelid creater

Humans are visual beings. Agreed. They are attracted to all things beautiful. Agreed. Yet it is sad to see how the concept of beauty is narrowing down to one single checklist. I am not personally against surgical procedures to enhance looks but I wouldn't trade my features for a set standard in beauty.

Our world is full of diversity. Every living creature has its own identity. The beauty of our world lies in it's differences, not uniformity. The point is that diversity begets the possibility of an adventure of stumbling upon something new and beautiful in its own way. The fascination of different yet beautiful people and cultures makes our human experience worthwhile. The absence of this fascination would only turn us into robots with no zeal and longing for the magic of the unseen and unexpected... What would be the point? It's all the same.

A Lesson in Grooming

I was in my early twenties and it was 2009, the recession. Just finishing college, I was trying to make the best of an opportunity as a PR I was lucky enough to find. Since it was a small company, we strived hard to maintain a media presence. For one such event, a press conference, I was incessantly networking with the most influential in the art world of Bangkok.

As a PR this was my big day. I was a student with a student's wardrobe (if you know what I mean...) and no make-up barring a lip gloss. To prepare, I shopped for a perfect (or that's what I thought...) pair of grey trousers, a nice black top and a blazer to finish the look. The next morning, satisfied with my look, I started for the venue where my employer had already reached and was giving finishing touches to the set up. I knew she'd be happy and surprised by my professional turnout and boy oh boy, surprised she was.

What happened at the press conference is a distant memory. Everything was over in no time. How I packed up and came home remains a mystery to me; I have no memory of it. All I remembered was the reaction and comment of my employer. I remember her looking up at me, smile deserting her face, her scuttle towards me and her callous pull at my arm. I remember her, telling me that I make her look bad. Why couldn't I spend some time on myself? Why didn't I wear a skirt? (weird but true...it's a Thai thing) For God's sake... I was the PRO!!! I represent her in the media... Why didn't I groom myself? Why couldn't I look my best?

Another look in the mirror and a different perspective cleared the haze. I wasn't my best. I looked like a timid person with low self esteem. I didn't love myself enough to groom myself. How would anyone entrust a dismal being with the image of their company? The thought stuck with me.

No, I wasn't fired but realised that dressing and grooming are the most pronounced forms of self expression. How one presents oneself is a subtle display of ones personality traits, positive and negative.They are the giveaways of our deepest feelings and misgivings. Whether you are complacent or a go-getter, it will be reflected in the way you dress and groom. It is a subconsciously acknowledged fact that people who dress and groom well exude confidence, have high self esteem and climb the success ladder faster than those who don't. They have a sense of self efficacy and self-sufficiency. And it's not just professional success that makes grooming important. People who take care of themselves are better caretakers too. Confident people are able to maintain healthy relationships as they can voice their opinion and hold a regard for others simultaneously. Confident people trust themselves and therefore are capable of trusting others.

Lastly, beauty attracts beauty. While we all have different perceptions of beauty; to me it simply means being at your best. I can write and write about grooming and turn this article into a thesis and I'm tempted to include a gamut of topics about grooming here, but some other time.... :)

Avocado: The Superfruit

I love avocados. Particularly its creamy texture and the delicate and rich aftertaste. It is one of the superfruits with contain something of everything and has numerous health benefits. It will take me a day to write about its goodness and nutrient content, believe me there are loads. But for starters, let me pen down the 3 basic reasons you need more avocados in your diet; its fiber content, number of vitamins and minerals in it and fat. Don't freak out, this fat is exactly what you need; monosaturated. 

Here are some health benefits to keep you motivated:

1. This tops my list. You can put avocado to use as a facial mask (this mask works!)for cleansing, moisturizing or as sunscreen. 
2. Avocados reduce LDL in the body and increase HDL. Therefore, they keep cholesterol in check and keep the heart healthy.
3. They contain lutein, a carotenoid which are antioxioxidants.
4. It makes you lose weight. Yes! It contains soluble fibre which slows digestion of carbohydrates. So, have your avocados and you won't be feeling hungry anytime soon.
5. A friend of all Mommas-to-be. It contains folate which boosts healthy growth of the unborn baby.
6. They contain vitamins Bs, K, and E. What more can you ask for?
7. They have all the minerals. I cant even list them down.
8. They are awesome to taste.

They mostly grow in tropical climate with little care. But you are elsewhere, do not worry. These countries produce a lot of avocado and share it (export) with others too :). 

Some people take time to develop the taste for avocado. Its a bit too rich to be eaten as is. So, here is a simple recipe you can use to make an avocado spread. It tastes great with some wholemeal bread, nachos and pretty much anything you'd like to take it with.This is a lovely recipe for breakfast or snacks and takes just about 5 minutes.

Ingredients

1. Avocado: 1 ripe (you can increase the quantity as you like and relatively increase other ingredients)
2. Garlic pods: 2-3
3. Lemon Juice: 1 tbsp
4. Chillies: 1-2 (medium spicy); You can always adjust this according to your taste.
5. Parsley or cilantro: 1 tbsp (too much will overpower the flavour of the avocado)
6. Olive Oil: 1 tbsp
7. Canola Oil: 1 tbsp
8. Pepper: 1/4 tsp (preferably crushed)
9. Salt: to taste
10. A good blender (very important)

Method

1. Cut the avocado lengthwise in half. One of the halves will have a seed. Remove it by simply scooping it out.
2. With a teaspoon, scoop out the fruit (you will only be able to do this with a ripe one) in a blending jar. 
3. To avocado, add chopped garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, parsley/cilantro, pepper, salt together and blend until a paste forms.
4. Slowly trickle canola oil while still blending.
5. Stop when the texture is smooth and creamy.
6. Garnish with a sprig of parsley and serve with wholemeal bread toasts or use as spread in a sandwich, that's pretty much your take.

Tip
Keep everything ready before pitting the avocado. If kept in the open for too long, the flesh will oxidize and turn brown, not very appetizing to look at.  If at all you had to attend to your baby who wants to pee after you've cut the avocados, here's the trick. Squirt some lemon juice on them. This will stop oxidization until you're back.